Writing a book is a lot of work. And I mean a lot of work. I’ve written two. The first one, The Goodness Within: Reaching Out to Troubled Teens with Love and Compassion, was published by Paulist Press in 2004, and I waited another 17 years to write my second one. There is a reason I took an almost two-decade break, and that is because it takes hundreds of hours writing, rewriting, editing, recording an audiobook, selecting a cover and everything else. It is also a lot of money since I decided to self-publish.
Called: A Memoir came out in May 2021. Book readings were not possible because the Delta Variant of Covid was cascading throughout the country, so I did my best to sell the book via podcast and radio interviews, as well as reviews in newspapers and magazines.
As I’ve written before, I was gaining popularity in the story-telling world, having been on The Moth Radio Hour and podcast three times, a few other story-telling podcasts such as RISK! and Family Secrets, along with a one-person story-telling show on Broadway for one night, and stage appearances in Boston, Brooklyn and Montreal.
I believed that with all of that exposure my new book might not be a New York Times best-seller, but it would still sell well.
It did not. A few thousand copies were sold. That was it. This was a disappointment for me. All that work, with so little to show for it.
And then a little over two years later I received an email from a young man who had previously resided at the nonprofit where I serve as executive director in Burlington, Vermont, Spectrum Youth and Family Services. One of our main missions at Spectrum is to provide housing for teenagers and young adults who are homeless. We have 30 beds in Burlington, the state’s largest city, as well as a Drop-in Center where they can come and get a free hot meal, clothing, access to showers, do their laundry and use our computers.
This particular young man, whom I will call David, had stayed at Spectrum for almost two years, and as he neared our cut-off age of 23, his behavior spiraled downwards. He was rude and then even aggressive with our staff. He was coming into our Drop-in inebriated and threatening them with bodily harm. That is a red line for us, and especially for me, given that in 1987 I had a staff member killed by a homeless youth when I was working in New York City. In my mind, when anyone start threatening our staff, they are gone.
After one particularly aggressive outburst, I did what I don’t think I have ever done in decades of doing this work: I drove around Burlington in my car looking for David. It didn’t take me long. I saw him walking on the sidewalk, I pulled my car over, got out and let him know in no uncertain terms he was never to step foot in Spectrum again.
He did not.
And now, six years later, I was receiving an email from him, completely out of the blue.
Hi Mark. I know things ended quite poorly between myself and Spectrum back in 2017, but I’m not a bad person. I just went through a low point in my life. I was a dumb 22-year-old making poor choices. I feel a lot of regret over how I conducted myself back then, and I am deeply sorry for my behavior. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would change so much of it. None of your staff deserved to be treated the way I treated them. I have already reached out and apologized to almost everyone.
So much has happened in the last 6 years. I finally got my life together. Been sober since May 29, 2022. I read your memoir and it inspired me to quit my job in retail and seek out a career in helping others. Since May of this year I have been working as a Peer Support Specialist. I teach independent living skills to adults with Autism. Things like cooking, budgeting, self-advocacy, etc. It’s the first job I’ve had that feels meaningful and I love it.
Due to the guilt I feel over how I left Spectrum, I am asking for your forgiveness. I’m sure you haven’t thought about me in a long time, but I still think about Spectrum quite often. Some of my favorite memories are from my time there. Despite my troubles, it was the first time I felt like I was part of a family. I hate how it all ended and I take full responsibility. I feel so ashamed knowing that I hurt the people who cared most about me. I believe that receiving your forgiveness will allow me to be more at peace as I move forward. I assure you that I am a very different person now than I was 6 years ago. I just want to help better my community. That is my mission in life. I hope this email finds you well. I look forward to hearing from you.
I immediately emailed him back:
David! Great to hear from you and all the positive things happening in your life!
Of course I forgive you, and I am just so happy that you are helping people and doing good things in the world. That’s what’s important!
Congratulations on over a year of sobriety! Awesome!
Thank you so much for reaching out and I cannot tell you how much I love hearing that my memoir inspired you. Writing that book took hundreds of hours and sometimes as an author you wonder if it was worth it, but now I know it was….
Take care,
Mark
In Catholic author Flannery O’Connor’s collection of letters, The Habit of Being, she writes:
“When you write a novel, if you have been honest about it and your conscience is clear, then it seems to me that you have to leave the rest in God’s hands. When the book leaves your hands, it belongs to God. He may use it to save a few souls or to try a few others, but I think that for the writer to worry about this is to take over God’s business.”
Do I wish that Called had sold millions of copies, maybe even been made into a movie or documentary or something? Of course I do. I’m human. I would have liked that.
But the reality is that I got something greater, something no best-seller designation could ever achieve: my book changed a life, for the better. The book left my hands and then belonged to God. And God used it to help David, who is now using his life to help others.
Mark Redmond lives in Essex, Vermont with his wife Marybeth and is the author of Called: A Memoir.
Image: Photo by Jonas Jacobsson on Unsplash.
Mark Redmond has worked in the field of caring for homeless and at-risk youth for over 42 years, starting as a member of the Covenant House faith community in 1981. He is presently executive director of Spectrum Youth & Family Services in Burlington, Vermont.
He has published columns in Forbes, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Commonweal, The National Catholic Reporter and America. He is also a storyteller. His story “This Church” was onThe Moth Radio Hourand podcast, and he has had stories on other podcasts such as The Lapse, Family Secrets, The Goodness Exchange, Outside the Walls and Risk! A story he told for WGBH’s Stories from the Stage played on most public television stations around the United States, and his one-person show on Broadway,So Shines a Good Deed,premiered in October 2019. Six days later his one-person showThe Moustache Diariespremiered at The Flynn Space in Burlington. He has performed on stage in Boston, Brooklyn, Montreal and Burlington.
His first book,The Goodness Within: Reaching out to Troubled Teens with Love and Compassion(Paulist Press) was published in 2003 and his latest book,Called: A Memoir(Onion River Press) came out in May 2021.
Mark graduated from Villanova University in 1979 and from New York University with a masters in 1986.
Mark lives in Essex, Vermont with his wife Marybeth and son Liam who is a junior at the University of Notre Dame.
Popular Posts