Note: This is the third article in a three-part series on masculinity. It is perhaps strange that a woman authored these articles, although there is certainly no dearth of men writing and speaking about femininity, so perhaps it is not so strange after all. Sometimes someone with an outside perspective can speak truth into areas that are too close for us to fully perceive, and it is my hope that these articles do precisely that. I hope that these words do not seem “like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm” (Proverbs 27:15) but instead that they reflect Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

The saints are holy people who go before us, and it is the goal of all men (and women) to one day become saints themselves. Ultimately, their purpose is to glorify God, and one of the ways that they do this is by helping us on our journey to Heaven through their own life stories. Thus, their examples are powerful, effective guides for men who are seeking to live out their masculinity as God intends.

In Gaudete et Exsultate, Pope Francis wrote that, “Jesus explained with great simplicity what it means to be holy when he gave us the Beatitudes.” So then, the ultimate man is one who prays for, desires, and seeks the dispositions of the Beatitudes in his own life. The saints, as those who have been made holy, attest to this with their lives. They show us that real manhood is drastically countercultural—not for the sake of confrontation or to create an identity by differentiating from the “other,” but because the holy people that God describes in the Beatitudes are anathema in our culture today, particularly those parts of culture that deal with masculinity.

Poor in Spirit

Holy men of God are not culture warriors, patriarchal, or strong in their own strength. Instead, they recognize the poverty of their own souls, owning their failings and finding their strength and treasure in Christ alone. Joseph, the man who God chose to father His own Son, modeled such poverty of spirit well. He listened to God with openness to the possibility that he may be wrong, and he was willing to change based on what he heard. He recognized that he needed God’s guidance because he did not have all the answers and knowledge on his own.

Meek

True men are meek, helping others as wounded supporting the wounded, not as judges or those who are easily offended. Again, we see this manifested in St. Joseph’s life. Though he was raising the very Son of God, he was content to live what Pope Francis once called “a hidden life.” He quietly protected, taught, and provided for his family. We know little about him because his meekness allowed him to faithfully follow God and carry out his duties without a need for human praise or affirmation.

Sorrowing

Men who are living as God intended mourn, sharing the pain of the world with empathy and compassion, “in such a way that all distance vanishes.” Blessed Franz Jägerstätter agonized over the changes that the Nazis brought to his home country and the violence of the Second World War. He was eventually martyred after he refused to sign an oath of allegiance to Hitler; however, he had lived the final years of his life in holy mourning for the evil that he was witnessing around him and the horrible cost of war. Like him, true men are called to grieve things that grieve the heart of God as He conforms their hearts to His own.

Righteous

The authentically masculine hunger and thirst for righteousness as desperately as one thirsts for water in a parched desert. Men who are living as God made them do not settle for “as good as it’s going to get” or “just the way things are.” Nor do they seek justice only for themselves and their loved ones. Instead, they champion the poor and vulnerable, speak for those who have no voice, and act for those who lack agency. It is no accident that St. Stephen, who oversaw the early Christian community’s efforts for righteousness, was the first martyr. Preferential treatment of the poor and vulnerable is an essential aspect of godly manhood.

Merciful

Men of God are merciful. They are not impervious cowboys who seek retribution and a brutal, false sort of frontier justice. They know the weight and measure of the mercy that they have been shown themselves, and they commit to showing the same mercy to others. Again, St. Joseph provides us with a clear model for masculine mercy. Believing that his betrothed had been unfaithful to him and had conceived another man’s child, St. Joseph wanted to handle the situation in a way that minimized Mary’s pain. While many men would have longed for retribution and vengeance, St. Joseph chose to be merciful.

Pure

Those who embrace God’s idea of masculinity are pure in heart. They avoid sins and temptations that would poison their intentions and render their lip-service to God hollow. Their actions flow out of hearts that are conformed to Jesus’s own Sacred Heart. St. Moses the Black once led a violent life as a gang leader of thieves and fighters. Eventually, he found himself in trouble with the law and sought refuge in a monastic community. While there, he converted to Christianity. In the following years, he fought to conquer his fiery impulses, often forcing himself to act rightly even when his inclination was to sin. By the time of his death, he had mastered his violent anger so well that he greeted his imminent murder with the words, “I have been expecting this day to come for many years past, so that it might be fulfilled, the command of our Redeemer, Who said, ‘Those who take up the sword shall perish by the sword.’” St. Moses then refused to fight against the invading Berbers and died a testament to the miraculous transformation that God can work in our hearts. Like St. Moses, the path to pure hearts is often long and not always linear, but it is the one traveled by those who seek to be the men that they were created to be.

Peacemakers

Real men are peacemakers, who seek unity and harmony in all things and address conflicts honestly but gently. Always, their goal is to build bridges that connect people where once divisions had carved unpassable chasms. God gave us an example of such a man in St. Oscar Romero. Trained as a carpenter, St. Oscar Romero followed the Holy Spirit’s leading into the priesthood and, eventually, into his role as Archbishop of San Salvador. Seeing the devastating violence caused by the political upheaval in El Salvador at the time, the saint used his position to exhort the warring factions to embrace a just peace. His quest to heal the divisions that were tearing apart his people led to his martyrdom. Thus, his life became one that was defined by his role as a peacemaker. Like him, men who accept godly masculinity strive to heal division and bring about peace in their homes, communities, and the larger world.

Withstanding Persecution

Men of God are persecuted for their love and devotion to God, but not because they have made themselves unbearable through self-righteousness, resentment, or hostility. Instead, they are in the world—embracing even their enemies with a kiss—and yet their very love of God and others leads to their rejection by it. St. Mark Ji Tianxiang was a Christian doctor in China. In an attempt to treat his painful illness, he became addicted to opium and spent the remainder of his life battling his dependency and seeking forgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. His priest considered his addiction to be a moral failing and barred him from receiving the Eucharist for the final thirty years of his life. Nevertheless, the saint remained devoted to his faith and hope in God. Following the Boxer Rebellion in 1900, St. Mark Ji Tianxiang and his family were condemned to die due to their Christianity. The saint begged the executioners to kill him last so that he could comfort his family members as they were each beheaded. St. Mark Ji Tianxiang was a model for all men of faith and a testament to belief in Christ even when it results in horrific persecution.

Loving

Most essentially, men who live out holy manhood are men of love. They are men whose very identity is born out of their love of God and man. We know they are Christians by their love. And what is this love that permeates true masculinity? It is patient, kind, selfless, humble, respectful, sacrificial, slow to anger, forgiving, seeking righteousness, loving truth, protecting, trusting, hoping, persevering, never failing. As unpalatable and improbable as it may seem in our world today, such is a true man of God. I encourage you to reflect on the little bit of knowledge that we do have about St. Joseph through the Scriptures. Scant as it is, you will find that he displays each of these aspects of love as it is defined in 1 Corinthians. St. Joseph was fundamentally a man of love. He loved with a rich, holy, and unshakable love that only God can provide. Like him, men of faith build their lives on this kind of love.

True masculinity is nothing like that being peddled by those who want us to believe that it lies in John Wayne–style bluster and bravado or Andrew Tate’s violent aggression and hate. It is not found in those men who walk the halls of power looking for a fight, nor does it dwell amidst online trolls and abusive posts. It is far from children who bully one another and from adults who are quick to anger or eager to subjugate others to lesser roles while seeking to elevate and maintain their own.

Instead, it is much more like an old man we had the privilege of knowing for a dozen years as the successor to St. Peter. From the first moments of his papacy, the Holy Father lived out true, holy manliness. He asked for us to pray for him during his first introduction to the world as pope, chose humble dwellings, bent down to wash the feet of prisoners, spoke up in defense of the poor and vulnerable, championed the cause of immigrants, built bridges, sought peace, and, in his final weeks, clung to truth by revealing his vulnerability. While we are just beginning to know our new pope, there are many ways that he has lived out real masculinity in his life so far. His years as a missionary in Peru, his commitment to prayer and unity, and his willingness to defend the most vulnerable give me hope that we will be blessed with many years of learning from Pope Leo XIV, too.

The problem in our world today is not that we do not have good role models for masculinity, but that—attracted by the allure of wealth, power, aggression, and dominance—we fail to recognize them as they serve those in need, rely on God, and witness to truth. God’s plan for men is good, holy, and earth-changing. It is time we embrace it.

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Image: Chinese Martyrs, including the aforementioned St. Mark Ji Tianxiang. Courtesy of the Holy Transfiguration Monastery, http://www.thehtm.org, Attribution, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3466292