Note: This is the first article in a three-part series on masculinity. It is perhaps strange that a woman authored these articles, although there is certainly no dearth of men writing and speaking about femininity, so perhaps it is not so strange after all. Sometimes someone with an outside perspective can speak truth into areas that are too close for us to fully perceive and it is my hope that these articles do precisely that. I hope that these words do not seem “like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm” (Proverbs 27:15) but instead that they reflect Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
My husband and I recently watched the Netflix series Adolescence and, among other things, it provided a powerful argument for the need of authentic male role models in our world. The show explores the devastating impact of toxic masculinity and the online “communities” that have sprung up as a result. The adult characters begin the show blissfully unaware of the misogyny and rage hidden behind seemingly innocuous terms like red-pilled and incel. They do not realize that a whole generation of boys is being subjected to dangerous lies about what it means to be a man. I sympathized with them since often I find myself struggling to stay on top of what my children are exposed to, despite being quite strict with technology-related rules in our house. Trying to remain up to date on the latest words that the younger generations have added to the English language is all but impossible. If you are reading this and have any sort of relationship with today’s youth, I strongly suggest that you familiarize yourself with the language and ideas circulating on the “manosphere” so that you can effectively engage with youth on these issues. This article from Current Psychiatry Reports, this piece from the Canadian Museum for Human Rights, and this story from the United Nations are good places to start your search.
The issue is pervasive, even among children who are quite young. A peer asked my middle school-aged daughter if she was “a submissive woman” when they met on the playground last week. While the concept of femininity is outside the scope of this article, the idea of submission that most people have in mind when they talk about womanhood is far from the Biblical understanding. Instead, it is rooted in a misguided attempt to advance a harmful form of masculinity that depends on the subjugation of women to establish its own purpose. This is a drastic departure from the conception of masculinity that God had when He first formed man and woman and it is nothing like the perfection of masculinity that is manifested in the incarnation. Yet, it is the loudest message about manhood that is being spread today.
During the papal interregnum, Mike Lewis appeared on CNN to discuss the version of toxic masculinity being spread by Timothy Gordon and other Catholic influencers. You can watch the entire clip here if you have the stomach to listen to Timothy Gordon talk about how women are “defined by their man … and they’re happy that way” — all while clasping his hands in an ambiguous finger gun directed towards the CNN correspondent Donie O’Sullivan. While certainly not the most violent and offensive voice in the manosphere, Gordon is particularly troubling for Catholics because, as O’Sullivan explains, there are signs of a trend of young men exploring Catholicism “because of these very extreme views on women.” As Mike says in the segment, this is concerning because “in a lot of cases, it’s due to alt-right ideology that isn’t in line with what the Catholic Church teaches.”
Given the prevalence of damaging and ungodly messages about masculinity that are being fed to our children, it is critical that we work to develop an understanding of true masculinity as has been revealed to us through the Church and Scripture. To do this, we must consider how God intended men and women to interact prior to the fall which is in stark contrast to the world of red-pills, alphas and omegas that is being promoted to our children online and through much of our culture.
The First Adam
We get the first glimpses of who God intended men to be in the garden of Eden. We are told that God created man – the first Adam – in His own image and therefore man was good. In other words, man’s value lay in the fact that God created him with the purpose of witnessing to who God is. The measure of manhood’s value, therefore, is how much it is rooted in the image of God.
Relational
Yet, while man himself was good, his isolation was not good. Like our triune God Himself, man was meant for relationship. God saw this and recognized his need for a helper who, unlike other created beings, would also be made in God’s likeness. So, He created woman to be a co-bearer of His image. The catechism states it thus: “God created man and woman together and willed each for the other…‘it is not good for man to be alone.’ (CCC 371)
Until this point in the Creation story, it was easy to identify man’s unique purpose in all that God had made because man alone bore God’s image. Now though, there was someone different from him who was also made to be a picture of God. After the fall, this difference came to be associated with conflict, competition, and power differentials in which women longed for their husbands and husbands ruled over their wives. But God’s original plan for man and woman was to be one unit working together in harmony – a reflection of the diverse unity within God himself. The Bible and the catechism indicate that Adam recognized this unity when he first met Eve: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Man discovers woman as another ‘I,’ sharing the same humanity.” (CCC 371) God’s desire for men and women to be united in dignity and purpose is also evident in the Church’s view that sacramental marriage is a testament to the perfect unity of God’s three-in-one nature.
Collaborative
In God’s original plan, both men and women were able to participate in God’s work of creation together: “Work is not yet a burden, but rather a collaboration of man and woman with God in perfecting the visible creation.” (CCC 378) How did they do this? By ‘subduing’ nature and submitting it to their own mastery. The catechism makes clear that humanity was the prototype for the subdued earth since, “The ‘mastery’ over the world that God offered man from the beginning was realized above all in man himself: the first man was unimpaired and ordered in his whole being because he was free from the triple concupiscence that subjugates him (after the fall) to the pleasures of senses, covetousness for earthly goods, and self-assertion contrary to the dictates of reason.” Thus, our understanding of who God created man to be must involve control over appetites, passions, and desires.
Selfless
God also intended for man to be generous and not cling to material goods or power. In other words, Godly masculinity involves self-lessness, humility and sacrifice. This self-controlled, humble, and self-sacrificing man was meant to participate in a harmonious partnership with woman as they carried out the joint work God gave them and bore His image into the world. Of course, we all know how this story ends. Through their disobedience, Adam and Eve sever their intimacy with God and are cast out of the garden into a world where man’s work becomes a frustration and women long for the harmonious relationships that they were intended to have with men. Tragically, the “entire harmony of original justice, foreseen for man in God’s plan, will be lost by the sin of our first parents.” (CCC 379).
Within a generation, the consequences of the loss of true masculinity appear in the Biblical account. Adam’s descendants are prone to violence, dominance, pride, jealousy, revenge – all sins that are contrary to God’s original blueprint for masculinity. Thankfully, God was not done writing the story.
Image: Canva AI generation
Ariane Sroubek is a writer, school psychologist and mother to two children here on earth. Prior to converting to Catholicism, she completed undergraduate studies in Bible and Theology at Gordon College in Wenham, MA. She then went on to obtain her doctorate in School and Child Clinical Psychology. Ariane’s writing is inspired by her faith, daily life experiences and education. She is currently writing a women's fiction novel and a middle-grade mystery series. Her non-fiction book, Raising Sunshine: A Guide to Parenting Through the Aftermath of Infant Death is available on Amazon. More of her work can be found at https://mysustaininggrace.com.
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